Airlines, Airplanes, Airports

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Last week, on a wonderful Sunday afternoon, I was allowed into the Airport Control Tower (ATC) of the Coco Tower at Juan Santamaria Int. Airport. This was my first time inside a control tower, and the views and the technology used in the world of flying astounded me.

As I hiked up the stairs of the extremely, oh so well guarded stair case of the control tower I became nervous. Thoughts popped into my head about what would happen if their was a big accident, or one of the controllers messed up and their was an in air collision, or even worse if something did happen and it was my fault!

But when I finally did get up there, I just saw some guys doing their “job”. It seemed very relaxed. As soon as I got up TACA was landing, the controllers did even bother looking. The only time they were really active was when they were talking to the plane. After that the subject jumped to women and sports.

Luckily a very generous and kind man who leads the tower explained so much to us. One of the most interesting things was that the runway’s capability can hold a 747-200 seen here. But nobody seems to care being that when the Korean president and the Republic of China’s president landed here, they both arrived in fancy Korean Air 747-400 and a China Airline 747-400. But hey, who’s looking. Every year a Boeing C-17 Globemaster lands here, and once in a while a Lockheed Galaxy, both of which use up every single millimeter of the runway and go way over the specifications for the runway. But lets keep that on the DL, and this being wow, such a heavily populated blog, try not to spread the word.

For some great pics check out jetphotos.net

And to finish off some jokes.

My wife said if I go flying again she will leave me. Boy am I gonna miss her.

Tower: “Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o’clock , 6 miles!”
Delta 351: “Give us another hint! We have digital watches!”
=============================================
“TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees.”
“Centre, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?”
“Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?”
==============================================
From an unknown aircraft waiting in a very long takeoff queue: “I’m
f…ing bored!”
Ground Traffic Control: “Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself
immediately!”
Unknown aircraft: “I said I was f… ing bored, not f… ing stupid!”
==============================================
O’Hare Approach Control to a 747: “United 329 heavy, your traffic is a
Fokker, one o’clock, three miles, Eastbound.”
United 239: “Approach, I’ve always wanted to say this… I’ve got the
little Fokker in sight.”
==============================================
A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight. While
attempting to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked, “What was your
last known position?”
Student: “When I was number one for takeoff.”
==============================================
A DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had an exceedingly long roll
out after touching down. San Jose Tower noted: “American 751, make a
hard right turn at the end of the runway, if you are able. If you are
not able, take the Guadalupe exit off Highway 101, make a right at the
lights and return to the airport.”
===============================================
There’s a story about the military pilot calling for a priority
landing because his single-engine jet fighter was running “a bit
peaked.” Air Traffic Control told the fighter jock that he was number
two, behind a B-52 that had one engine shut down. “Ah,” the fighter
pilot remarked, “the dreaded seven-engine approach.”
===============================================
Taxiing down the tarmac, a DC-10 abruptly stopped, turned around and
returned to the gate. After an hour-long wait, it finally took off. A
concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, “What, exactly, was
the problem?”
“The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine,” explained
the flight attendant. “It took us a while to find a new pilot.”
===============================================
A Pan Am 727 flight waiting for start clearance in Munich overheard
the following: Lufthansa (in German):
“Ground, what is our start clearance time?”
Ground (in English): “If you want an answer you must speak in English.
“Lufthansa (in English): “I am a German, flying a German airplane, in
Germany. Why must I speak English?”
Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful British accent):
“Because you lost the bloody war.”
===============================================
Tower: “Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on frequency 124.7″
Eastern 702: “Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the way,
after we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of
the runway.”
Tower: “Continental 635, cleared for takeoff behind Eastern 702,
contact on frequency 124.7. Did you copy that report from Eastern
702?”
Continental 635: “Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger; and
yes, we copied Eastern… we’ve already notified our caterers.”
==================================================
One day the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the tower to hold
short of the active runway while a DC-8 landed. The DC-8 landed,
rolled out, turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee. Some
quick-witted comedian in the DC-8 crew got on the radio and said,
“What a cute little plane. Did you make it all by yourself?”
The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back with
a real zinger: “I made it out of DC-8 parts. Another landing like
yours and I’ll have enough parts for another one.”
===============================================
The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a
short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one’s gate
parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from
them. So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to
the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British
Airways 747, call sign Speedbird 206.
Speedbird 206: ” Frankfurt , Speedbird 206 clear of active runway.”
Ground: “Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven.”
The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.
Ground: “Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?”
Speedbird 206: “Stand by, Ground, I’m looking up our gate location now.”
Ground (with quite arrogant impatience): “Speedbird 206, have you not
been to Frankfurt before?”
Speedbird 206 (coolly): “Yes, twice in 1944, but it was dark, — and I
didn’t land.” =================================================
While taxiing at London ’s Gatwick Airport, the crew of a US Air
flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to
nose with a United 727. An irate female ground controller lashed out
at the US Air crew, screaming: “US Air 2771, where the hell are you
going?! I told you to turn right onto Charlie taxiway! You turned
right on Delta! Stop right there. I know it’s difficult for you to
tell the difference between C and D, but get it right!” Continuing her
rage to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting hysterically: “God!
Now you’ve screwed everything up! It’ll take forever to sort this
out! You stay ri ght there and don’t move till I tell you to! You can
expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour and I want
you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell
you! You got that, US Air 2771?”
“Yes, ma’am,” the humbled crew responded. Naturally, the ground
control communications frequency fell terribly silent after the verbal
bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody wanted to chance engaging the irate
ground controller in her current state of mind. Tension in every
cockpit out around Gatwick was definitely running high. Just then an
unknown pilot broke the silence and keyed his microphone, asking:
“Wasn’t I married to you once?”